The behind the scenes:
My love for psychology led me to start reading a lot of self-help books. Well, it began as a loathing of self but then grew into a love for psychology. One day I woke up feeling like an utter failure. I won’t bore you with all of the details, but let’s just say it’s been a great ten years of learning and I’m still growing. I also feel like there is so much out there still to learn. I still wake up some days feeling depressed, as if the last ten years didn’t happen. Those days are the hardest but I know now that I’m not alone. My journey was tough but it was needed. What I’m hoping to extend is an offering of the things I have learned over the last ten years, about myself and about others. I am still not sure if I plan to further my degree in psychology but for now, if I can share, and hopefully get you guys to share your findings, then together we can feel whole.
I’m going to post this every Wednesday, starting today. My almost full story is below, of the why I got into this and why I still enjoy it, but my plan is to share small snippets of what I have learned.
Do you wake up some days and just know something is wrong? I was starting to wake up like that daily. I wanted to cry all day, every day but I didn’t even know why. I didn’t like myself. I tried to be better, to be perfect, to be something that someone would like, but I could never quite get there. My husband was trying and is my biggest supporter but he didn’t know how to help either.
I decided to pick up a book on Narcisstic mothers. This book changed my life. My mom and I just recently started talking. Not a lot, let’s not get crazy, but we can have a conversation without it changing into something catastrophic. This book, however, was what I needed at the time. I learned to get the voices of my parents out of my head. The nagging and incessant put downs were on a continuous loop. I had to find a way to stop them. After reading the book on mothers, I learned how to start liking myself. It started slow. Agonizingly so. I did not like to look in the mirror or to even acknowledge myself. I started with my wrists. I can like my wrists. AND I have two! That’s two parts of my body that I am okay with! Like I said, it started slow.
I progressed from there. Learning more about myself and who I am. The process hasn’t stopped, I had a difficult childhood, very difficult adolescent period, and now that I am in my forties I am just starting to feel comfortable. I really hope not everyone has such a difficult process but for me it was. There is a lot more that happened that I will not add in here, but let’s just say for a long time I felt alone and when I wasn’t alone, I never felt good enough.
And that’s what all of this is about. Feeling good enough in your skin. Knowing that you are YOU and that is good enough. Not only good enough, but great!
So, for today, all I can say is that finding something about myself that I liked helped a lot. Creating Serenity is going to be about creating your serenity and how I am finding mine.
Over the next few weeks, I am going to be discussing books I have read starting with the fabulous Brene Brown!
- Discussing self-help books
- Shame is the thought of being unlovable.
- Don’t puff up, don’t shrink, be authentic.
- Shame cannot grow or thrive in an environment of empathy.
- Go forth and be vulnerable!
- Gaslighting – domestic violence
- When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding.
- Practice a gratitude journal.
- Perfect is the enemy of good – Voltaire
- The only true currency in this bankrupt world, is what you share with someone else when you’re being uncool.
- Cultivating authenticity
- The opposite of play is depression.